If you know that if you squint really hard at the end of the credits of Xena: WP you can catch funny little disclaimers that have been put there! Check it out some time! But, to save time and your eyesight, I have listed the disclaimers here!
Cradle Of Hope
No babies were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Prometheus
Iolaus was harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the Green Egg Men went on to live long and prosperous lives.
Death In Chains
No Jumbo Sized Cocktail Rats were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Hooves And Harlots
No Males, Centaurs, or Amazons were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts
No oversized Polynesian-style Bamboo Horses were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, many wicker lawn chairs gave their lives.
Athens City Academy of the Performing Bards
The producers would like to acknowledge and pay tribute to Stanley Kubrik, Kirk Douglas and all those who were involved with the making of the film classic "SPARTACUS". Additional thanks to Steve Reeves.
A Fistful Of Dinars
No Ambrosia was spilled, spoiled, or in any way harmed during the production of this motion picture. (Thanks to the indefinite shelf life of marshmallows.)
Warrior...Princess
Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Mortal Beloved
No Winged Harpies were harmed or sent to a fiery grave during the production of this motion picture.
A Royal Couple Of Thieves
No Ancient and Inflexible Rules governing moral behavior were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
The Prodigal
Meleager the Mighty, the generally Tipsy and Carousing Warrior-for-Hire, was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Altared States
No Unrelenting or Severely Punishing Deities were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Ties That Bind
No Fathers, Spiritual or Biological, were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
The Greater Good
Excessive belching can cause brain damage and social ostracism. Kids, please don't give in to peer pressure. Play it safe.
Callisto
Joxer's nose was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, his crossbow was severely damaged.
Death Mask
No Messenger Doves were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several were reportedly missing in action and search-and-rescue efforts are under way.
Is There A Doctor In The House?
Being that War is Hell, lots of people were harmed during the production of this motion picture (but since television is a dramatic medium of make believe, all casualties removed their prosthetic make-up and went home unscathed).
Orphan Of War
No Sleazy Warlords who deem it necessary to drink magical elixirs that turn them into scaly centaurs were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Remember Nothing
Xena's memory was not damaged or...what was I saying?
Giant Killer
No Bible myths or stories were irreparably mangled during the production of this motion picture.
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
No Bloodsucking Bacchae were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, a few driads lost their heads.
Return Of Callisto
Although Xena finally conquered her dark nemesis Callisto, it took her weeks to get the sand out of her leather unmentionables.
Warrior...Princess...Tramp
Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the production of this motion picture. Meg, however, suffered minor injuries while preparing Aardvark nuggets for King Lias.
Intimate Stranger
Argo was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, she is undergoing intensive psycho-therapy to help her work through her resentment and feelings of distrust towards Xena.
Ten Little Warlords
No one was harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Xena's ability to recover her body was severely impeded by Lucy Lawless' unexpected mishap.
A Solstice Carol
Senticles was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several chimneys are in dire need of repair.
The Xena Scrolls
No Hollywood producers were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Here She Comes... Miss Amphipolis
No ribbons were harmed in the production of this motion picture. However, several experienced severe motion sickness.
Destiny
Julius Caesar was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the Producers deny responsibility for any unfortunate acts of betrayal occurring soon thereafter.
The Quest
Xena's body was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his swagger back.
A Necessary Evil
The reputation of the Amazon Nation was not harmed despite Velasca's overly radical adherence to an otherwise valid belief system.
A Day In The Life
No slippery eels were harmed during the production of this motion picture despite their reputation as a fine delicacy in some cultures of the known world.
For Him The Bell Tolls
The producers would like to acknowledge the inspiration of Danny Kaye and pay tribute to the classic motion picture "Court Jester".
The Execution
By popular demand "The Executioner" will bring back the comfortable lightweight cotton blend robe in a variety of spring colors.
Blind Faith
Once again, Gabrielle's luck with men was harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Ulysses
Despite Gabrielle's incessant hurling, Ulysses' boat was not harmed in the making of this motion picture.
The Price
To show sympathy for The Horde, Kataka was only served upon request during the production of this motion picture.
Lost Mariner
Cecrops "Joie de Vivre" was not harmed during the making of this motion picture.
Comedy Of Eros
No cherries were harmed during the making of this motion picture.
The Furies
Xena's sanity was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. The Furies, however, will be opening their own lap dancing variety show off-off-off broadway soon.
Been There Done That
The rooster was not harmed in the making of this motion picture. However, his feathers were severly ruffled. However, a little gel and mousse straightened out that mess.
The Dirty Half Dozen
No convicts were harmed during the production of this motion picture. Can't we all just get along?
The Deliverer
Gabrielle was slightly well-done during the production of this motion picture. However, the producers would like to recommend a spicy bbq sauce to bring out the full flavor of this episode.
Gabrielle's Hope
Despite witnessing the bizarre and somewhat disturbing birth of Gabrielle's Hope, no farm animals were harmed or traumatized during the production of this motion picture.
The Debt I
No frock tarts were killed during the making of this motion picture, although they wished they had been.
The Debt II
Xena and Gabrielle's relationship suffered another blow (although Gabrielle doesn't know it yet) during the making of this motion picture.
King Of Assassins
Due to the infliction of a severe wedgie, Joxer was slightly uncomfortable but not seriously harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Warrior...Priestess...Tramp
Despite another Xena look-alike, the gene pool (or rather gene puddle) was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
The Quill Is Mightier
No naked Gabrielle's were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Maternal Instincts
Xena and Gabrielle's relationship was harmed during the production of this motion picture.
The Bitter Suite
The musical genre was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. In fact, the producers sincerely hope you were A-MUSE-D by this episode.
One Against And Army
Gabrielle's ankle was harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Forgiven
No street-talking, cat-fighting, barroom brawling juvenile delinquents were harmed during the production of this motion picture
King Con
No Con Men were conned during the production of this motion picture
When In Rome...
Caesar's Palace was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Crassus and the gladiators went down for the count.
Forget Me Not
Xena and Joxer were not forgotten during the production of this motion picture.
Fish, Femmes and Gems
Joxer's dignity was slightly harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Gabrielle's pink nightie was restored to its original condition.
Tsunami
No Cast or Crew were singing "Tanks For The Memories" during the production of this motion picture. However, the phrase "Strike the Set" was given new meaning.
Vanishing Act
Upon completion of the filming of this episode, Autolycus' Scuba Gear was placed on display at the Athens Diving Institute for the education and enjoyment of future generations to come.
Sacrifice I
No Pulsing Cocoons were hatched during the production of this motion picture. What you witnessed was purely a reenactment.
Sacrifice II
Gabrielle finally went off the deep end during the production of this motion picture
Adventures In The Sin Trade I
No Dead Amazons lost their lives in the production of this motion picture.
Adventures In The Sin Trade II
Xena's search for Gabrielle was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
A Family Affair
No spike-skinned, beast-like, incredibly hungry offspring who can't stand the sun were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
In Sickness And In Hell
No Leapin' Lice were beaten, whipped, smashed or scratched during the production of this motion picture.
A Good Day
No permanent battle scars were inflicted during the production of this motion picture.
A Tale Of Two Muses
No Self-Righteous Magistrates intent on supporting the basic human right of freedom of expression were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Locked Up And Tied Down
No flesh eating crabs were cooked during the production of this motion picture.
Crusader
Xena's best chewing tooth was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Past Imperfect
Borias' goose was cooked during the production of this motion picture.
Key To The Kingdom
No Priceless Porkers, of either organic or ceramic origin, were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Daughter Of Pomira
No blonde-haired, blue-eyed Horde girls or their extended families were harmed during the production of this motion picture. Lakota toti. Bonai. Soli bonai. [People all. Good. Only good.]
If The Shoe Fits
No Fractured Fables were harmed in the production of this motion picture
Paradise Found
Paradise was found but not necessarily embraced during the production of this motion picture.
Devi
In memory of Women's Best Friend:
Bear
Dodger
Kali
Samantha
Taffy
Bear
Between The Lines
Xena's Chakram got Gabrielle by the short hairs during the production of this motion picture
The Way
Any similarities between Hanuman and a major character in the motion picture classic "Planet of the Apes" is purely coincidental.
The Play's The Thing
Although no great literary works of art were harmed or plagiarised, a few thespians stole some scenes during the production of this motion picture.
The Convert
Argo's gastronomical condition was cleared up upon the completion of this motion picture.
Takes One To Know One
Argo was once again proven innocent during the production of this motion picture.
Endgame
Pompey's reign came to a head during the production of this motion picture.
Ides Of March
Xena and Gabrielle were killed during the production of this motion picture.
Deja Vu All Over Again
No Sword-Wielding, Card-Playing, Therapy-Seeking French Freedom Fighters were deflowered during the production of this motion picture. However, rumors of Custer and Pocahontas remain unconfirmed.
Fallen Angel
Hell Hath No Fury like a Woman Scorned
Chakram
Xena's Dark and Violent Past was restored during the production of this motion picture.
Succession
Ares' Libido was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Animal Attraction
Although The Rabbit Died, No other animals were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Them Bones Them Bones
Xena and Alti were Bad To The Bone during the production of this motion picture.
Purity
To obtain a copy of Joxer's recipe for Moo Shu Sauce and other Chinese delicacies visit your local bookstore or look for it at the tavern.
Back In The Bottle
Pao Ssu's split personality was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Little Problems
No Pie Tins were harmed during the making of Tharon's mask.
Seeds Of Faith
Thanks to Eli's non-violent ways, many people lost their lives during the production of this motion picture.
Lyre Lyre, Hearts On Fire
No Lyres were strung out during the production of this motion picture
Punch Lines
Gabrielle and Argo were Shrunk and Permanently Pressed during the production of this motion picture.
God Fearing Child
Zeus cashed in his chips during the production of this motion picture
Eternal Bonds
Ares virility was harmed during the production of this motion picture
Amphipolis Under Seige
Post Production was under siege during the production of this motion picture
Married, With Fishsticks
No Sea Nymphs or other Denizens of the Deep were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
